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I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, which I admire. But, she's often caught off guard by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances vanished during that time, as they were only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have realised more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several close to her have disappeared leaving her sure why. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was highly competent, she departed not understanding why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us is to listen. I open subjects but she shifts conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend factchecking and different perspectives.

She has been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for some time. I attempted to offer advice, yet it was not welcomed. She really only wanted me to confirm her plans. I have come back from 30 days in that country she hopes to meet, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can grasp the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Experts suggest using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible like exactly what occurs. Next is to tell the way it makes you feel. Ideally, there's no argument about this. Your feelings belong to you, after all. The third step is to question how you are both going to change the pattern between you."

Keep in mind she too has a point of view, meaning you must to stay open to listen to her. One effective method involves stating her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably effective to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She might reject all you say, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they rely on a version about themselves they cannot let go of because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. But she may initially present like this before reflecting your perspective. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it provides satisfaction from having been open and direct.